Connecting to server ...

Simon: Dudes!

Dave: Check out that website, Simon.

Simon: Already have. Awesome.

Ed: You're not talking about 'Videobrain' again.

Simon: What else.

Ed: That stuff sucks.

Dave: It rocks! Simon, it'll be the experience of your life.

Ed: Until they invent virtual sex, or the downloadable pizza.

Dave: He who cannot afford the headpiece, mocketh.

Ed: I've already got a headpiece I'm happy with, thanks. It's attached to my neck.

Dave: While you've been sitting in your bedroom scratching your balls, I've been sailing down the Amazon in a canoe; I've been to the peak of Everest.

Ed: Eh, no actually, you've been in your bedroom scratching your balls too.

Dave: Don't listen to him Simon, just try it. You got to check out the download tonight.

Ed: It sucks.

Simon: It's pretty heavy. I'm pasting some of this into the message. Here it comes.

Exclusive to Videobrain Entertainment - Experience 'Operation Afghan Freedom' at first hand - tonight.

Dave: Incredible! You got to do it Simon!

Ed: If it's going to be so great, why don't you do it?

Dave: My Dad has taken away my headpiece.

Ed: Haaaaa!

Dave: Shut it. Simon, you going for it?

Simon: Dunno.

Ed: Why did he take it away, Dave? Did he think you'd be exhausted after climbing Everest?

Dave: He's not giving it back till my grades improve.

Ed: So that's the last you'll ever see of it.

Dave: You're getting on my tits.

Simon: Shut up you two. Look, here's some more from the website.

The Journalists who have agreed to wear our neuro-caps will be close to, but not in the midst of the shelling. Their neuro-caps, will monitor and transmit their brain activity during the bombardment, which will be streamed live, real-time, to your 'Dream Machine' headpiece. This unique experience cannot in any way endanger your health. The headset is calibrated only to deliver neural stimulation within safe limits.

Simon:This sounds a bit scary to me.

Dave: I've used it loads of times. It is one hundred per cent safe.

Simon: But this is my first time.

Dave: You are such a wimp. Just for once, experience life, Simon!

Simon: OK, I'm going to do it. I hope you're right about it being safe.

Dave: Attaboy!

Ed: Are you sure?

Dave: Shut up Ed. Get your piece on Simon, and live your own war film! Ace war correspondent, Simon Fuller!

Simon: OK - I'm putting on the headset.

Dave: Don't sign off! I want you to tell us what it's like.

Ed: Yeh, tell us how many villages you can see being blown away.

Simon: I'm downloading, hang on for a while.

Dave: Good going Simon!

Ed: Take the headpiece off if it doesn't feel right.

Dave: You've nothing to fear, Simon.

Ed: Simon, you out there?

Dave: Relax, he's just started downloading.

Simon: Whoa!

Dave: He's plugged in!

Ed: OK Simon?

Simon: This is totally amazing - unreal. I feel strange, like a different person.

Dave: Awesome. I never felt that.

Ed: What's happening?

Simon: It's cool, feels like early morning; I'm looking up at a cloudless, deep-blue sky.

Dave: Forget the school essay stuff. Where's the war man?

Simon: It's like I thought I heard something, but maybe I didn't. Now I'm running around in this patch of dusty ground, kicking a big yellow ball. I can see Mama inside the white hut, cooking something in the kitchen, singing to herself.

Dave: Are you taking the piss? Who's Mama?

Ed: This is priceless.

Simon: I'm looking up at the sky again. I feel something in the air.

Dave: Maybe he's got the wrong download.

Ed: What is it, Simon?

Simon: There's a blinding flash of light, like a giant flashbulb going off, and a sound like thunder. I'm shouting for Mama.

Dave: Who the hell is Mama? What's going on, are you seeing your own Mother? How is that possible?

Simon: Oh, God, I'm scared. A cone of orange rising from the ground into the sky; spreading out over the sky like an egg in a frying pan, spreading wider and wider, covering more and more of the sky. On the ground another cloud, like the one in the sky, is spreading, coming towards us.

Ed: Happy now, Dave?

Dave: None of this makes sense. Whose mind is he in? And why is a civilian target being bombed? We only bomb known terrorist bases.

Ed: Best to take out the kids while we're at it, so they don't become known terrorists when they grow up.

Dave: There must be a mistake.

Ed: Whose mistake Dave? Still want Simon to keep going? Let's find out how it all ends, eh?

Dave: Simon, you still there? Get that headpiece off.

Ed: Suddenly war isn't Dave's cup of tea. Simon, keep it on. Tell us how it all ends. If they live happily ever after.

Dave: Cut it out, Ed. Simon, take it off.

Ed: Playing a different tune now, Dave.

Dave: Shut up. I'm trying to think.

Ed: Don't break the habit of a lifetime.

Simon: The whole world is becoming as hot as an oven.

Dave: Take off the headset, Simon.

Ed: Thought it was supposed to be safe?

Dave: Something is wrong with this whole thing. This isn't a journalist. The Afghans have pulled a fast one. The neuro-cap is on a small child. And if they've sabotaged the neuro-cap, they may have sabotaged the transmission itself. This could be the world's first cyberspace terrorist attack.

Ed: How many people use these things?

Dave: I don't want to think of how many - a lot. Are you copying, Simon? This is not what you signed up for. Get out now.

Simon: Hot winds lifting whole houses into the sky. A burning man, flying through the air, slamming against our house, smashing into powder, like the wings of a moth crushed in your hand.

Ed: Simon, get out!

Simon: The orange clouds are coming. They aren't going to stop. Mama telling me not to worry. Holding me tight.

Dave: Simon!

Ed: Simon, just pull the headset off!

Simon: Nobody should have to suffer like this.

Dave: Simon, take it off. Copy me man.

Dave: Simon! Copy me.

Ed: Simon! Take it off.

Simon: Eyes burning. Taking it oooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo